Well where can I start?, (rhetorical question).

I would first like to thank Chairman Doug Ellis for allowing me to come back to the club where I made my name as a player. I'm a local boy who emigrated to scummy Leicester but coming back to this club gives me more pleasure than a raunchy night out with Pam Anderson (Just). 

On a more serious note I would like to give big shout outs Tim Westwood style to Adam Willan the Tottenham manager. These days in football anyone can make it , your gender, race or in Adam's case your sexuality makes no difference. Adam is a homosexual but you know we don't discriminate. 

I would also like to thank Chirag Mehta, Owen Griffiths and David Tonks for encouraging me back into management. After a few days in the job I decided I wanted to bring Darius and George back to Villa Park. I have just concluded this deal and I'm sure the fans will be delighted. I have also lined up a few big name players to come to Villa Park, but I would like to keep those names to myself as Middlesbrough will come and sign them!.

We are currently mid table in the league and going well so I hope we can progress well and finish the season with honors. Anyway enough talk and as the great American Philosopher N.ike once said - Just do it!.

Good luck 2 all other managers cheers Stuart

1) Matt, it is now well into the season and things are looking promising for the team. 

Yes, I am delighted with the position we are in at the moment, I couldn't have asked for much more than that. 

2) Second in the league and second in the cup. To what do you attribute the success ? 

Well, I think that has to be down to careful planning. I saw which areas of my squad needed strengthening whilst concentrating on getting my tactics instilled in the players. It took a little while to find the right balance between Continental flair and true British hard graft, but I think we are there now. I also have to thank the players themselves for their attitude. We have been accused of being a team of has-beens but I think my decision to get an experienced back line has proved most of the critics wrong. 

3) With Stuart Pearce hanging up his boots at the end of the season and 6 more of the rear guard over the age of 35, do you think you will run into problems next season ? 

I've got a good fitness coach lined up for the summer and I expect my players to see me through another year. In the meantime I have got Page getting valuable experience from going on loan to Wednesday. I am fully aware though that my lads won't be able to play forever and I am looking to bring in a couple of youngsters to fill in their boots when they eventually retire. A lot depends on whether we get promotion this season though as the board have promised me a financial windfall if we are successful. 4

) There have been rumors circling that Michael Brown may be on his way out of the club. Can you confirm or deny this? 

Obviously no player is without his price but I am hoping he stays as he will be a valuable asset to any Premiership club and that is the ultimate goal for us. I had an offer from two unnamed clubs which were rejected. The first offer was rejected out of hand but there were discussions with the second bid as it would have seen a class defender and experienced midfielder come to United but the deal fell through at the final hurdle as we could not agree on a financial settlement. Like I have said before, it will take a special offer to prize away any of my star players. 

5) Are you already looking forward to next season in the top flight? I am not counting my chickens yet, but I am quietly confident. I think if we win at Wolves on Saturday then we will be well on our way. Saturday is however by no means an easy game and I think that if we go out there and play complacently then we are on the way to a big drubbing as Wolves are a hard battling side, well capable off pulling out a good result. I do think the Wimbledon bubble may burst quite soon. They have a few tough games coming up and if Man Utd ever decide to recall Cole from his loan period then I think they will be in trouble. 

6) So the race for the top two spots is not a two horse race? 

Definitely not. I have noticed a number of clubs who have been gaining ground recently. Man City look very tough now and the likes of Birmingham and Rotherham have to be contenders. I also believe with a little luck, Coventry may just turn the corner and become a danger to us all! 

7) Thanks for sharing your time with us Matt. Not a problem, it is always a pleasure to talk to the press. 

--------->UPDATE<---------- 

The Kick Off crew were invited back to United the next day to hear about some fresh deals going through 

1) Matt, I believe you have some interesting news for us regarding the position of M_Brown.

 Indeed I do, just as you were leaving yesterday, I was contacted by Man City and we finally managed to sort out the red tape on a deal seeing Brown go to City. I had been scouting Danny Granville for some time as an ideal replacement for Psycho and I believe that Tim Sherwood's experience in midfield will help us to cope with the loss of Brown. Furthermore, I have agreed to let N_Winterburn go out on loan to Bradford City until the end of the season. 

2) You said that Man City were a threat, now that they have two big new signings in Brown and Cahill, what do you think of their chances?

Well, they now surely have a midfield and attack to rival many premiership sides and with the money they have left in the bank they can sort out their defense. I would say that Wimbledon should be running scared of both of us now! I just hope the Man Utd manager reads this article and decides to bring Cole back.

1. What do you think of the press comments made by Matt Birch, that you are a one man team? 

Well let me start by saying that yes Andy Cole has been a revelation for the club and his reputation alone will lead some people to believe that we are a one man team, however, those people are ignorant and if they had seen some of the matches we have played in recently they would know we have a number of players who are as good as Andy. I'd like to reiterate the point I made to Matt that we were top of this division before Andy got here and with or without him we WILL be there at the end of the season. 

2. So who are these other key players you have mentioned? 

Well, I am delighted by the way two of my main signings have started to play recently, Thatcher has really started to steady the early defensive problems we had suffered an he has become a player who I believe is the best defender in this division. The second revelation this season has been the form of young Rudd VandeVarrt his passing ability in midfield has put him on the verge of becoming one of the best players in Britain at only 18 years of age. 

3. A few of your key strikers have been put on the transfer list, why was this? 

David Nielsen has been inspired for me this season, but I have David Connelly who is a ready made replacement so I decided that it would be best for the club if I sold David to raise money to buy a really good defender or midfielder to partner either Ben or Rudd. But, I have been Shocked at the lack of interest in him to date and as long as no interest is shown in him he will continue to be a key member of this club. 

4. Since you last spoke to us, things behind the scenes at the club have really started to hot up, as a life long Wimbledon fan how hard as this been for you? 

There is no denying it has been tough, the board is set on destroying this club with no thought whatsoever to its long suffering supporters, but the recent arbitration decision by the football league has been seen as a victory for the fans and I hope they are right. In the mean time all I have control over is what goes on, on the pitch and so far that's going well. 

5. Do you still feel you have no chance in the cup? 

If you had asked me that with two minutes to go on Saturday I may have reconsidered but I think what chance we had in the cup slipped away in those final minutes, although the lads still feel they have a shot and there is no doubt they will continue to fight for the cup for as long as qualification is mathematically possible.

Things have changed for Chelsea since we last spoke

Ehh, you could say that. We were 2^nd on goal difference then I think, and had just missed out on manager of the month. Now I have the dubious honor of being the proud owner of a “Timmy”, and we have slipped to 4^th, 7 points off the pace.

A nightmare month??

Absolutely, I don’t think we won a game for a month. I was glad to get a win under our belt in the cup before we travel to Anfield. It is nice to go into these 6 pointers off a win. But all the teams will have that sort of run. Thankfully we played a number of cup matches, and haven’t dented our title hopes to much, but have still got enough to hope to get through in the cup. If we can take a few big scalps we still have a title shot, and are still in the cup, so after a run like we have had, that is great.

So you still think the title can go to Chelsea

Absolutely, I am not going to engage in mind games or any of that rubbish. At this stage of the season anyone within 12 points is looking ahead to the next rounds of fixtures and trying to see how many points they hope to pick up. Though if you want the cliché, “we are taking it one game at a time”

So what do you need to happen??

We need everyone to have the terrible run that everyone has during a season. We have had ours, and in a lot of ways it is nice to have it out of the way. Now we need a good month, to get pack up on the pace. But it is entirely achievable.

So why did it happen to you now?

A lot of factors. The side had to adjust to Ronaldo arriving, and he had to settle in, though he has got his goal now which should help him, and the side is starting to gel. Zola moving into it also upset the midfield, and we had a terrible series of injuries and suspensions. We were forced into playing Dennis wise in defense several times which is not ideal, he has never played the position before in his long and distinguished career I think, but he did a decent job.

And a quick word on the Cup

I think our group very interesting. Sheff Utd are pushing us all the way. The last time I spoke I said I thought we would be playing them in the premier division next season, and that remains the case. It looks as if Newcastle will go through, but we hope to go through second, and once you are through, who knows in a knockout competition, with the quality in this league any team can win it. Once you get through you are 270 minutes away from lifting it, it doesn’t sound long does it?

Are your players on the list still for sale??

Absolutely, I have given them high prices, but other managers should know that there is room for negotiation on them. That includes Di Matteo, even though he is currently on loan at Sheff Wed

And will there be any more movement into the Bridge??

It is unlikely, Ellington has come in as cover for our forwards, and I would think that would be it. However if someone becomes available at the right price we are always interested

Well it has been great talking to you again, there is never a dull moment at Chelsea these days.

Tell me about it.

You have had three games in charge of Fulham now, how have things gone? 

Well, it is 3 games, 3 wins which isn't bad is it?! I'm still learning about the squad and what they can do but they have been very impressive. 

Who has impressed you in your squad? 

Its an impressive squad. I feel Sean Davis has a lot of potential and Louis Saha and Raul have the potential to be a great strike force. When Wilcox got his chance against Bradford, he took it well so I think he has a bright future. Alain Goma, Edwin van der Saar and John Collins are very good as well. 

Your 1st game, a return to Valley Parade, how was it? 

The reception I got was particularly frosty and that is understandable. I admit that I didn't do a great job there, my transfer dealings were poor and the results were fading after a steady start. But I was delighted with our 4-1 win there. I gave Wilcox, 20 year old striker, a start and he repaid me with 2 goals. 

You are 6 points adrift of Aston Villa and Arsenal in the cup, do you still hold hopes of advancing? 

Well, realistically we have to win our remaining three games, we play Villa and Arsenal and that will be very tough. If we drop any points, our chances of progression will have disappeared. 

Do you plan to add to the squad you have? 

Yes, I would like to increase the depth of the squad. We only have a squad of 18 so if injuries or suspensions hit, we will be in trouble. The problem is that the transfer funds aren't exactly huge, so I have to look for a few bargains. 

What do you hope to achieve this season? 

We are trying to stay in touch with the teams at the top and then if we can do that, who knows? If we were to challenge for the title, I really think we would need to spend big, which we can't do at the moment.