ARCHIVED INTERVIEWS. No.31: MAN CITY

Sky Sports caught up with the Manchester City boss shortly before the First Division game against Ipswich Town. SS- So JP how’s been the start of the season for you? JP- “Honestly, I’ve been a little bit disappointed by some of the draws that we’ve had. Last year the main reason we didn’t go up was we got too many draws over the season. The same trend seems to be repeating itself this season and I want to try and turn these draws into wins. Having said this, we’ve yet to lose this season and I’m touching wood that even after this weekend’s result that will still be true. The team’s been playing well but there’s better to come.” SS- Have any individuals stood out for Manchester City so far? JP- I like to emphasise collective effort and team morale this is helped by the fact that we have some great leaders out there on the pitch like Fran Galli, Gary McAllister and of course the Goat. Also the club are very hopeful that a couple of younger players will really shine this season, a lot is expected from the likes of Kewell and Karlsson. These players definitely have the ability; they just need to show it on a consistent basis. SS- How do you view the race for promotion shaping up? JP- It’s tight and it will remain so throughout the season. The majority of the first division squads are on a very equal footing. There are no real exceptional squads; you can point to Sunderland but their recent defeat at the hands of Bradford goes to show that all twelve teams are very capable of getting results. I can’t predict who will be in the top three positions all I’m concerned about is getting the right results for City. SS- What about your cup group? JP- We’ll be looking to make some sort of impact. There’s no one there to be scared of. There are a couple of mid-table Premier league sides and the rest of the group consists of our weekly opponents. I’ll be especially looking forward to the games against Wimbledon. I’ve got one or two scores to settle there, Mike Overill’s team gained promotion at our expense, so hopefully we can return the favour by knocking them out of the cup! SS- Any news on the transfer front? JP- We completed the capture of Barry Ferguson last week and we’re delighted to have him here. I place a lot of importance on the midfield department and having the flexibility to change things around and Barry gives us extra options. He’ll link up well with Ariel Ortega, Gary Mac and Karlsson and it’ll allows Harry Kewell to play in his more preferred advanced role when required. Sadly, I had to let my young protégé, Colin Woodhouse, leave for Bradford City to accommodate the arrival of Ferguson. It’ll enable Colin to get regular first-team football and he’s in good hands as Bradford have a very strong management team. We wish Woody all the best! This also gives me the opportunity to blood young Lionel Morgan on a more regular basis. With this, hopefully I won’t need to look around in the transfer market anymore as I’m very happy with the talent at my disposal. SS- Thanks for your time. JP- No worries.

ARCHIVED INTERVIEWS. No.32: ASTON VILLA

With Aston Villa's manager David Lees only two games into his short reign at the club, here's what he had to say on his future and Villa's prospects for the remainder of the season when the Kick Off news team caught up with him at a brothel in Little Thornton!!! KO : " Excuse me David, I was wandering whether the Kick Off news team could interrupt you for a moment to discuss your new club and current situation? " DL : " Err, not a problem, fire away! " KO : " I guess first things first, with you only just taking over at Villa, do you not think that being caught in a seedy place like this gives off the wrong impression to your players, the board, and probably most importantly, the fans? " DL : " Oh, err...... this, this is nothing more than a misunderstanding. I've recently moved to the area, err, and with it being a Sunday I was looking for a place of worship and mistakenly took this brothel to be a Church! " KO : " Hmm, a very easy and perfectly innocent mistake to make, LOL " KO : " Are you happy with the start your club has made in your short managerial career? " DL : " Not exactly! A 2-1 defeat and 2-2 draw isn't the best start for us, but then I never expected the job to be easy. There's plenty of ups and downs to be had, and I'm not just talking about my private life either, LOL. It's a tough game out there, week in week out, we've got to show a lot more grit and determination otherwise these quality sides are gonna steamroller us no question! " KO : " Since joining, what's the atmosphere been like in the dressing room, and do you have a good rapport with the players and back room staff? " DL : " They've all been great towards me, I couldn't have asked for a better reception from the lads. Everyone's very upbeat and enthusiastic about the future and that's showing in the dressing room. We all feel that Villa are going to go from strength to strength " KO : " Recent reports claim that you've just secured Hernan Crespo's signature and sealed a deal with Inter Milan that will bring the Argentine marksman to Villa Park for a club record breaking fee of 35 million pounds. Are these reports substantiated? " DL : " I can today confirm that Crespo inked a deal with us late Friday night that'll keep him contracted to the club for the next 5 years. I'm not at liberty to disclose any aspect of this contract, but I can tell you that both parties are delighted with the outcome of the negotiations. I'm to attend a press conference on Monday to unveil our new star man. " KO : " And finally, what assets do you think Crespo will bring to the club, and how do you feel the rest of the squad will react to his arrival? " DL : " Crespo is a regular performer, and I'm sure his main asset to our club will be his undoubted ability and clinical finishing in front of goal. He also has an incredible determination and will to win, which I'm positive will rub off on the rest of the players. Unfortunately along with his arrival comes a certain amount of unrest amongst players who feel their place and future at the club could be in jeopardy. But I believe this to be a good thing, it will increase the competition for places at the club and hopefully improve player performances, because nobody wants to leave or be sat on the bench when match day arrives! " KO : " David, thank-you for your time and it's been an absolute pleasure to chat to you!!! " DL : " Not a problem mate, and the pleasure's all yours, LOL "

ARCHIVED INTERVIEWS. No.33: ARSENAL

Although Arsenal head man GT Frail is hard to get a sound byte from these days, Andy Gray managed to liquor his countryman up into expressing his views on the status of his side's recent form: AG: "Thank you for have a chat with me this evening, being Boxing Day and all." GT: "Whatever mate, you keep buying and I'll keep lying." AG: "Right, cheeky bastard. Your lot have seemed to turn some misfortune around of late and are in the thick of the Premiership Title race." GT: "Race? HA! Well I guess you can call it that. You know 3rd is still 3rd regardless if you finish 1 point back or 20 points back though Andy." AG: "Very true my good son, but you and Newcastle United seem to be keeping the favourites Manchester United and Liverpool from pulling away." GT: "(Burps) Blah..well, Birch pulled one out of his arse against United, suppose I owe him there. Been pulling a few out his arse this year come to think. I guess I'll forgive him for that crap victory a few weeks back. Still, as solid as I feel we are getting at Highbury, I think we are still only going to be able to keep he Reds and United from taking off, but not make a run at the top ourselves." AG: "Well, I dunno if I'd take that view, Ronaldinho's been a one-man wrecking crew for you of late." GT: "Aye, got him some thermals and mittens and he decides that playing in England ain't so bad after all. Unfortunately he's had to do well as Thierry Henry is still playing on the form that led to so much success for France in the World Cup! HAHAHAHA." AG: "So do you expect his return to form, whenever that may be, will signal an offensive surge from your lads?" GT: "Well one can only hope so Andy, but we have to be cautious and patient. The upshot is that I know I can put my faith in Ronaldinho now. And whilst Henry is playing like he's still on holiday, I've had stellar play from the midfield trio of Vieria, VanBommel and Basturk." AG: "Yes, now it would seem you could start opening things up a bit more. Do you have plans to loosen up your defensive style of play?" GT: "Well if I did I wouldn't be telling your great flapping yap. However, I will say that the Gunner nation can expect the to see most of the same faces on the pitch. I'm not quite confident enough in Dudek between the pipes to allow him to try and win a game for us with his mitts. I will say that the signing of Ireland's head stopper Shay Given has given me a bit more freedom of thought in my defensive strategy, as before, if Dudek got himself tossed or laid up I might as well throw Prince Harry out there as back up!" AG: "Easy on the Royals." GT: "Whatever, point is that I don't pace the touch line in fear that my keeper will get banged up or do something stupid. Granted, I think I overprotect him, but we've had a run against some tough strikers that I can't chance allowing to roam into open space. Cole is out this coming match though, so barring a quick signing of a fit player, you'll see something different from Arsenal." AG: "Any hint as to what you mean by different?" GT: "Yes, as in not the same! And you call yourself a commentator!" AG: "Easy lad...well I think our discussion is at and end as Frail has jumped on stage and is...erm, signing?" GT: (In the distance) "Dis Schiznit is whack yo!" AG: "God lord...for Kick Off this has been Andy Gray and the, um...brains behind the Highbury machine!" GT: (Further off) "Peace out homies!"

ARCHIVED INTERVIEWS. No.34: SHEFF WED

The BBC's Gary Linekar caught up with Joe Davies, manager of 2nd place Division 1 team, Sheffield Wednesday to ask him a few questions. GL: So then Joe, what do think are your teams chances of promotion this year? JD: Well Gary, I am hopeful of a successful season this year. If we can keep playing the way we are at the moment in the league then I think we should go up. The boys have the belief in them and as long as we can hold onto key players like, Totti, Hadji and Larsson, then I am confident we will get promotion or if not promotion then we will be very close, but we aren't thinking about that option!! And of course with the help of the great Sheffield fans then maybe we could get the Sheffield derby back, but the way they are going so far, I doubt that they will stay up! GL: Good Joe, you sound confident. I want to ask you about the sale of your best defender Alpay. Why did that come about Joe? JD: erm... You may have read the stories in the papers about a training round bust up between Alfie and J_PAngel. Well, I'm not holding any secrets, it did happen. Angel is a very treasured player at my club and so was Alpay but after his heroics at the world cup, his ego rose as well and I think it was time for him to go. We all wish him the best of luck at Wimbledon. Another reason for his sale Gary is the fact that I'm just a sucker to big amounts of cash!! GL: Yes, I can imagine Joe, I remember an old friend of mine who gave in to a load of money....... poor old Des!! So do you have a replacement in line for him? JD: We have just brought young W_Brown into the club which I feel is a great coup, but I think I am going to try and get a defender of Alpay's quality with the funds I got from his sale. I'm not telling who though, I have some ideas of players I admire and want in my team. GL: Anymore transfer gossip from the sunny side of Sheffield Joe? JD: I am always looking to improve my team. I am always open to offers and I feel I am happy with my team at the moment. I would like to add one or two more quality midfielders, maybe in a part exchange deal, and I know the club who has the player/players for me. I will be contacting the manager of that club shortly. although he did reject an offer I made not long ago am hoping I can get a bid accepted for this man! All I'm saying is one of them is French and plays for the Hornets and the other plays for the Sky Blues and is an international for his country. The rest of my team I am very happy with and don't wish to change anything else. One player I dream about bringing into my team is D_Beckham but I must be realistic. I would give pretty much anything to land him though!! GL: Finally then Joe. Henrik Larsson.........? JD: Haha. I knew this would come up. what can I say, the man is a saint to this club. it took a while to settle in but he sure is showing the reasons for me buying him now! 19 goals already this year. its amazing, simply amazing!! he has the right head on him to succeed, he keeps his feet on the ground and is a great role model to the other strikers at my club. GL: Well, thank you Joe. I wish the best of luck in promotion and hope you succeed mate! JD: Cheers Gary, ill see you in the studio soon. Thanks again.

ARCHIVED INTERVIEWS. No.35: NOTTS FOREST

KO - Mr Pyke, If we could interrupt you for 10 minutes... AP - Listen star, when I'm in the studio you call me Dubzi ye get muh? KO - Um, Yes - Sorry, Anyway How do you think this season has gone for Forest so far? AP - Cha, Not as good as I hoped, we've been consistently inconsistent and that's something we work on when we have our bun out sessions. KO - A bun out session ? AP - Yeah my dan, bun out - we get closer to Jah and look for him to guide us onward to the Premiership - standard ting that. KO - Ok, You've made a few transfers over the last week, could you give us a little insight on that ? AP - Yeah, we got Pablo in coz we heard on the underground tip that he had connections widda Spanish sensi, and not forgetting those lovely ladies, I got with this blonde beauty who did this thing where she bends back and..... KO - (Interrupts) Um, I don't think we need to go into vulgar details Mr. Dubzi, Could you give us your view on Edu's transfer to whipping boys Barnsley? AP - Yeah, Matt Walling needed a playmaker and I needed that import from Columbia, simple as. Could I interest you in a Kilo or two? KO - No thanks, Mr. Dubzi, I don't do drugs AP - Oh go on man, this is the good shit, jus try this.... KO - What's in this mug? AP - Coffee man, What the F**K did you think I was goin on about star? KO - Oh, Um - Nothing Sir, please continue. AP - Yeah, anyway, we've had some good results this season especially in the KO cup with wins against Wimbledon and the mighty Chelsea. KO - Yes, of course - and you've put out virtual reserve teams haven't you? AP - Yeah, I put out the reserve lads in both games, sometimes the big men wannabe's need to be brought back down the the grass init. KO - By 'big men wannabe's' you mean Mike Overill and Paul Rice, am I correct? AP - Yeah, they aint nuttin but wannabe's to me yeah? They think that just because they are in the premiership they are big guns and that simply aint true. KO - Ok, Lets try not to be controversial shall we? AP - Nah, course not you Bumbacla....... Anyway! Is that all ? KO - Just one more question, You face Joe Davie's Sheffield Wednesday this week and it seems as if the two of you have been trading insults and playing mind games, can you enlighten us? AP - Yeah, Joe better watch out - my lads will batter his clowns black and blue this week, I expect fireworks and plenty of them as well as a C_Cort hat-trick and an injury to that Larsson fella. KO - Ok fella, thanks for your time. AP - Nuh man, thank you, I get £500,000 for this ting !!!